Kokuhaku Secrets Revealed!!!

      I love karaoke. And so, one night, I decided to invite a whole lot of my friends out to karaoke. If you don't recall from when I told you in April, Japanese karaoke is done privately with friends instead of in front of large crowds. Which do I prefer? Probably Japanese karaoke, but of course, there are times when American karaoke is very appropriate... like when you want to laugh at people or have people laugh at you. But there's something about Japanese karaoke that's magical... and it may be because even the worst people LOVE to sing. With their souls. There are many accounts of me walking to the bathroom or out of the karaoke place where I would hear a Japanese guy (or a group of Japanese guys) singing (/screaming) at the top of their lungs sounding absolutely awful but MAN, there was so much passion.......!!! It influenced some of my karaoke, too, especially when singing in Japanese. Maybe the only times anyone will be able to hear me like that are: a) when we travel to Japan together!; b) when I've been drinking a bit much; or c) when Rock Band: Japan comes out!
      You'll notice that a lot of the people I went with have been featured in my pictures before. Shou, for example, is featured even in the karaoke box because he is known for having a lovely voice, which is especially adored by Akira. The blonde girl in the picture with Shou is Amy, who is one of my international friends from Australia.
      Speaking of international friends, here is Julia of Sweden (pronounced yu-li-uh, not jew-li-uh), one of my favorite friends from Japanese class. I made her cry mid-July. Here's why:
      At the end of June, my classmates and I had an assignment to do a speech in Japanese. This speech could be on annnyyyything we wanted, so after thinking about it for a while, I decided that I wanted to sort of complete one of my goals for Japan, which was to do a kokuhaku, or "confession", most often referring to a "love confession". Brief history of me and my relationship with the word "kokuhaku": when I stayed with my host family in 2004, my host brother Masa and I were watching a television program that involved middle school boys confessing their love for girls in their class over the loudspeaker. Thinking it was hilarious, "kokuhaku" became my new favorite word, and then it became my goal in the future to do a kokuhaku to a girl in Japan. This is a little strange, I know, because really, what's the difference between a kokuhaku and telling some girl in America that you like her? There probably isn't REALLY one, but in MY mind, I can be ridiculous and long-winded in a kokuhaku. I mean, it translates to "CONFESSION" of all words, and that's pretty strong, yeah? Also, another funny anecdote about kokuhakus, they're nowadays OFTEN done over the keitai (cell phone)! And it's socially acceptable! Is that hilariously ridiculous or what?? Really, it just shows the role that keitais play in Japanese society, blah blah, but man... if I could do a kokuhaku over a keitai, that would make my life.
      Regardless, I decided that my speech was going to be a fake kokuhaku to a girl in my class. I made it absurd and vague so that no one would be able to tell "who" it was directed to as to cause chaos and confusion amongst my classmates. Well, in the end, it worked a little TOO well. After class I went to lunch with a handful of my classmates and they were all like "who was it who was it!?" and everyone had their own guess as to who it was directed to. During the merry time I got a text message (yes, I DO text in Japan... it's about the only way people communicate there... sometimes even when they're with their friends [not referring to my own!]) that read, and I quote: "Hey, about your speech, was it by any chance directed at me? Because if it was I think we need to talk." Whoaaaaaaaa! Does that sound like bad news or what!? Well, it was, despite my classmates being really excited about it (in a positive way, obviously). My British friend George even suggested to ask her out to dinner and talk it about it then. But, of course, I was "errrggg"-ing it because of the tone of the message. In fact, two days before I gave the speech I was rethinking it because I really didn't want things to become too too awkward, especially if I had to explain that it was for no one and the recipient didn't believe me. Clearly, though, I ended up not caring. Anyway, we didn't talk until Monday, even after we went to a Star Wars convention with a group of friends the day before (more on that in the future).
      We went on a walk on Monday, though, and I explained to her that it was for no one, but she was sort of correct because the contents of my speech was directed to make hints at roughly two girls and one group of girls, completing basically the whole class. I posted the speech in both Japanese and English below so you can read it and I'll asterisk-ize the place and explain them. Anyway, moving on to the meat of the story, after she heard that it wasn't directed towards her and that I didn't have a crush on her, she cried. And mind you, these were not tears of sadness. She cried because she was so relieved that I didn't like her. MAN, do I suck or what!?!? Who... I... I still think that's hilarious, but it's pretty darn sad, isn't it? Guy can't get a date, and to make matters worse girls cry when he shows any affection for them... shoo'...
     She said that she thought of me as a really good friend and didn't want that to be spoiled. Maybe I wouldn't think that sincere if I actually did have feelings for her, but it was, in a sense, nice to hear, despite the, you know, suck, haha. But it was cool to get that out so that things weren't spoiled for us in the last two weeks of being around each other. A few of our classmates walked by us when she was crying, too, haha. Yowza. But hey! The kokuhaku was done. Sorta. I count it. I mean, it gave results that were similar to if I actually gave one (...but AGAIN, let's hope that doesn't happen when I do it for real XD).

      Back to the karaoke, the other girl who is hiding herself with Julia is her friend whose name I could NEVER remember. Never. Even though we probably hung three or four times. Man... Japanese names... Here's Teresa and her friend. Teresa's actually in her late twenties. Maybe even thirty. I can't remember. Let's just say that she's 22 because she looks it and can still hang with us youngins. She's an excellent singer, and in fact, when she was singing Utada Hikaru's new hit single "Heart Station", Akira (the vein! the passion!) expressed that he thought she was even better than the original. Yeah. That good. Supposedly she's a singing competition winner in China, too, so... yessir. She's good. Jyun also sang a few tunes there, but since I've already introduced him and will talk about our other adventures later, I'll move on. Same goes for Hiroki (but not for unknown Teresa's-friend-girl! I never met her afterwards). Here are the rest of the people (left to right, Shou, Sonya, Amy, Adina, and Hiroki). Adina's a New Yorkian who I met early at the DK House who I hang out with a few times while in Japan.
      So though maybe I can't explain it well, that was probably one the most fun times I had karaoking in Japan because it was the first time that I got to sing Southern All-Stars songs, which I had been sort of practicing that week in preparation for the night. This was also the night that I Jyun decided that he had a crush on Julia, which I found pretty funny. I ended up having to try to hook them up (and failed). Actually, Julia had all of my friends crushing on her... Jyun, Asato, uhhhhh some other guys. Lots of my Japanese friends (and even some Japanese guys that I met maybe only once!) asked me to hook them up with foreign girls, but most of my foreign friends had boyfriends already. 'Twas a shame!
      Anyway, below you'll find my speech in Japanese and English with footnotes. I hope you enjoy it XD

Until next time...!

「告白 」

     最近、僕達のクラスメートは音楽とか、スポーツとか、重要な人についてスピーチをしていた。心から思っていることについてスピーチをしていた。それでは、僕は、何について書くべきか考えていた時、どうしても「愛」についての考えが僕の頭からはなれなかったんだ。だから、このクラスの好きな女性に告白をするより仕方がない。
     まずはじめに、今から話すことを男の人はうらやましがらないで下さい。君達は、僕にとって、告白するほどかわいくないんだ。すみません。でも、ピーターさんはちょっと例外なんだ。時々、僕が好きな女性はシャイガールな事もあるから、そう考えると、ピーターさんはかなり僕のタイプに近いよね*？とにかく、始めましょうね。
     本当に、僕達がこのクラスにいる間、ずっとあなたは美しいと感じている。つい寝てしまった後、目覚めて、気分がとても悪くても、いつのまにかあなたの顔を見てると、その気持ちがなくなる**。ほとんど毎日のようにあなたは笑ったり、日本語で先生の質問に答えたり、お昼ご飯を食べたりする。そんなのは普通過ぎるほど普通のことだと分かっているけど、僕は普通のことをする女性が好きなんだ***。例えば、もしやせるために一緒にお昼ご飯を食べられなかったら、あなたは僕のタイプじゃなくなる。でも、あなたはあなたで。。。あなたは僕のタイプだから、今言ったことを気にしないで下さい。
     とにかく、僕は自分自身と約束した。僕は自分に、日本にいる限り、日本人女性だけをくどくという約束した。でも、僕はもう一つ、愛についても自分と約束した。自分に、百パーセントの女の子を見つけたら、絶対に彼女にするという約束だ。あなたは僕の百パーセント女の子です****！！
     そして、時々、人々はあなたを日本人だと思う。日本語をはっきりうまく話せるので、そう思うのも当然だろう*****。例えば、もし屏風の後ろに立っていて、声だけしか聞こえなかったら、あなたの民族や何人か分からないかもしれない。それに、白人、黒人、アジア人の顔や体を見ただけでは、僕で違いがよく分からないから、日本語で話しているあなたを、後ろから見たら、何人か分からない人もいるだろう******。
     それに、彼がいるか、彼がいないか、そんなの関係ね。三角関係にならなければならなかったら、絶対にそうする。愛を止められないよね！じゃ、愛のために、告白をしなくちゃ。僕はこのクラスに入っている女性が大好きで、その女性は。。。！わー！時間がない！ごめんね。終わってしまいます。失礼します。

Kokuhaku

      Recently, our classmates have been giving speeches concerning music, sports, and important people... concerning things that come from the heart. Therefore, when I was thinking about what to write, no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get thoughts of love out of my head. So, I have no choice but to confess my love to the girl in this class whom I like.
      Before I start... guys, please don't be jealous. To me, you guys just aren't pretty enough for me to do a confession to you. Sorry. Ehhh, but, Peter's sort of an exception. Sometimes, the kinds of girls I like are shy, so if you think about that, Peter's sort of close to my type, yeah*? Anyway, let's begin.
      Truly, ever since we've been in this class together, I've thought you beautiful. After I unintentionally fall asleep in class, I wake up, and despite me feeling terrible, before I know it I'm looking at your face and those feelings disappear**. Almost everyday you do things like laugh, answer the teacher's questions in Japanese, and eat lunch. I understand that those things are general to the extent of being too general, but I like girls that do general things***. For example, if we were not to eat lunch together because you were on a diet, then you wouldn't be my type. BUT, you are you and... you're my type so... don't worry about what I just said.
      Anyway, I had made a promise to myself: while in Japan, I would only hit on Japanese girls. But, I also made one more promise--a promise to love. When I found my 100% woman I would definitely make that girl mine. You are my 100% woman****!!!
      And, sometimes, people think you're Japanese. Clearly, your Japanese is great, so that way of thinking is only natural*****. For example, if you stood behind a folding screen and people could only hear your voice, most likely no one would be able to tell your nationality or race. Moreover, white people... black people... Asians... if you look at only their faces and bodies, even I often don't know the difference between them, so accordingly people that look at you from behind when you're speaking Japanese and don't know what country you're from exist******.
      Also, it doesn't really matter whether or not you have a boyfriend. If I have to make a love triangle, I will definitely do it! You can't stop love! So, for the sake of love I have to do this confession. I like a girl in this class, and that girl is..........! Ah! I'm out of time! Sorry! I'm regrettably finished. Excuse me*******.

* One of my classmates, Peter, always introduces himself as "Shy Boy" and it's sort like his running joke, so that's why that's in there.
** This one was mainly directed at one girl, but could have been taken as two. In class I often talked to both the girl in front of me, Jess, and the girl behind me, Nadia. Really, in my mind I was directing this to Jess because it's her that I would most often talk to after that happened because she always laughed at me and called me narcoleptic. On the other hand, I think the popular guess on this one was Nadia because the class most often noticed me talking to her because we were always partners.
*** This sentence caused the biggest problem for me in the editing process. The aim of it was to be absurd, but some people didn't really get it and the sentence that I ended up writing was told to be "correct Japanese" but "wrong" in the case of... I don't know, what people would say. My original sentence read weird even in English, but it was kind of the point... but maybe I just can't do that in Japanese or I can't be weird correctly yet. Iuno.
**** The term "100% woman" is an allusion to Haruki Murakami's excellent short story, "四月のある晴れた朝に100パーセントの女の子に出会うことについて", or "On Happening Across the 100% Woman on a Fine April Morning".
***** This was directed toward Julia because her Japanese is really great, and she's white!
****** To make the girl seem like she may be Asian (like Yi-Chen <3<3<3), I added this sentence. If the girl had blonde hair like Julia, it would be kind of obvious that she wasn't Japanese, but with the other Asians in the class... not so much.
******* There was a time limit and my speech was waaaaaay over, so it made sense to have this there.


     Thanks for reading if you did, haha. And, if anyone in my class is reading this, hope it cleared a few things up : ) Once again...

Until next time...!